Constipated Farang, Paying Confusions and the Rebirh of Phnom Penh

Tonle Sap

Phnom Penh - The beleaguered capital of Cambodia takes the backseat from the more illustrious Siem Reap up north, and rightfully so. The capital is grappling with bad rep - limited attractions, corrupt police officers, overpricing of everything with regards to tourists. The list could go on.

But PP is slowly gearing up for greater things. Let's take Sisowath Quay, for example. Some two years ago, the promenade was nothing but a forgotten piece of riverside where boat dwellers poop. These days, the promenade boasts of a tiled walk way, benches, palm trees, manicured lawns and street lamps. If this was a face lift of sorts, they sure did a hell of a great job.

But let me not get ahead of myself.

Bangkok, though short, was a sweet return. I woke up at 8:30 and headed straight to 4 Sons Restaurant for my sumptuous breakfast. I can't deny I always look forward to my meals here. By 11:30 AM, I was already carrying my luggage for my check out of Lamphu House. I summoned the counter for a taxi, a little pricey at 450 baht (meters usually fall to 230 baht so even with a toll fee of 80, Lamphu's rate is still on the excessive side). It was then hilarious that despite a hefty taxi fare, the driver didn't take the highway.

Suvarnabhumi was a balm of fresh air, except that when I finally queued for Immigration, it was the usual horrible queue of a million people huddled together like sardines. It was a wonder why after 4-5 years, the airport authorities haven't come up with a solution to fix this travesty. Things are not supposed to work like this. At least not in an airport as gorgeous as Suvarnabhumi.

HEY, MR. BRITISH FARANG, YOU TWAT!

So I was there minding my own business. It was a snail-paced journey towards the immigration counter. Just at my back was a bald pot bellied English guy in his 50's, wearing nothing but an off-white undershirt and a wrinkled pair of shorts. For the last 45 minutes or so, he ranted endlessly like a constipated twat, complaining about "these bloody Thais", "typical Thais", etc. At some point, I noticed the way a shadow was cast in the architecture of the airport's ceiling. It created a dramatic silhouette, and I had to seize the moment. Then suddenly, I heard the British blimp saying, "And it's the saddest when they start photographing the airport." This of course was alluded to my sudden penchant, as though one of his coronary arteries suddenly burst when I clicked my shutter.

STOP VISITING THAILAND IF YOU HATE THE THAIS, YOU PRICK!

Now here's a news for this ugly blimp of a British trash, walking around a public place as though he just came out of the loo: My life is a charmed one, and if I get reincarnated and for some twist of fate suddenly return as him, you can be very sure I would kill myself. I was never fated to be an ugly constipated stool. Finally, if he despised the Thais so much, who told him to keep visiting? Thailand and its population of friendly locals will live well without his undesirable British pounds. What's wrong with some of these Brits? Didn't they grow manners and common decency when they learned to spell their names? If they see Asia as their toilet, spewing condescending commentaries on every thing they see, isn't that sadder than taking photographs of beautiful images?

PHNOM PENH-BOUND

My flight to the Cambodian capital took 1 hour and 10 minutes. Nothing much has changed at the airport although there seems to be more arrivals. I skipped the visa-on site counter since Filipinos are visa-free. Even the immigration formalities took a couple of minutes without a single question. When I stepped out of the airport, someone was holding my name on a huge cardboard. That was a big relief. It was a long ride to the Green House, a fairly new hotel somewhere in south Phnom Penh I found while researching. Even my taxi was pre-paid (the hotel's manager asked for my credit card details and informed me that $12 has been charged).

The hotel indeed looked and smelled like it has had a few visitors. I booked through Agoda, my first time to do so.

BEUNG TRA BEK, PHNOM PENH

Though this is my 3rd time in the capital, it would be my first time in the area called Beung Tra Bek, which is south Phnom Penh. I booked my accommodations here strictly for selfish and educational reasons. I wanted to know more about this less visited part of Phnom Penh. Unfortunately, the Green House rises in front of a charmless, moderately busy street with nothing to speak of in terms of local color. It is a far commute from the mail tourist drag and from most must-see sights; thus your tuktuk rides to anywhere would cost you an arm and a leg.

In fact, instead of the usual $1-2 per ride, you'd have to shell out $6 for a return. I visited Sorya Mall then took a walk along the new promenade along Sisowath Quay.

WHAT PREPAID MEANS

There was also a misunderstanding regarding a supposed "prepaid" airport pick-up. When Iinquired about it, I was advised by Mr. Prak Chanty, the hotel supervisor, that this service has to be prepaid - here's the exact correspondence: "We would like to reserve taxi for you and for your convenience, we require booking amount from you for taxi fee is US$12. In this case, we need your Credit Card Number, CVV and Expire date for charging on this advance payment or you can call your person who live in Phnom Penh come to The Green House to pay the booking amount." I mean, if I knew asomeone in PP, would I really need my hotel to book a taxi for my airport pick-up? It doesn't quite add up, does it?

Anyway, I sent my credit card details and immediately got a reply from Mr. Chanty who replied and I quote, "Now, we have charged $12 only from your credit card and we made taxi arrangement for you." Unfortunately, upon arrival at the hotel, the car driver demanded that I pay him before I left. I balked. As far as I know, it has all been prepaid. I was told that my credit card has been charged. Why do I pay the driver again? The counter guy said the hotel will pay the driver, but I will have to pay the hotel. Huh? I was TOLD by the supervisor my card had been charged - that's what "prepaid" means! Anyway, he gave me a credit card transaction I had to sign - so what the heck, i signed. I just hope this isn't redundant charging. If there is a confusion somewhere there, it wouldn't come from my end.

First order was to buy my bus ticket to Siem Reap for tomorrow. I got an expensive Mekong Express seat that departs the terminal at 7:30AM.

That night, I booked a tuktuk to take me to Sorya Mall (PP's still most popular mall). I navigated the chaotic and congested bowels of the mall, went up the top floor to check out the cinema, but these were temporarily closed. From there, I asked my tuktuk driver Mr. Heard (yup, what an unusual name) to to just take me to Sisowath Quay. It had started drizzling by the time I was deposited to the Night Market.

WELCOME SURPRISE

To be very honest, I was quite surprised finding a well appointed promenade overlooking the Tonle Sap. The strip has been transformed into a cobbled walkway adorned with palm trees. Benches were scattered everywhere and locals are found enjoying their new leisure haven. Since it was past 7 already, I looked for somewhere to eat and found Bojangles Bar and Restaurant. I ordered Sweet and Sour Chicken which was sumptuous but pricey at $4 or Php180. That doesn't even include the $2 coke. I had to rush to an internet cafe ($0.75) to mail my hotel in Siem Reap for my pick up at the bus station. I was a bit anxious. What if they aren't able to read it before my 1PM arrival the next day? That done, I took a leisurely walk and found a DVD shop where, at $1.50, I found 30 - yes, THIRTY - foreign DVD titles.

PP has finally faced the challenge of keeping up with the continuous boom of Siem Reap. Many buildings are under construction and old places are being given facelifts. If this keeps up, PP would surely pull more tourists into the capital instead of the usual transit tourists and sex tourists. You see, for the longest time, most travel books have regarded the capital with a degree of precaution: scamming touts, corrupt policemen, hookers at every corner, beggars being run by syndicates, etc. The picture wasn't palatable.

Before meeting my tuktuk driver for my ride back to the Green House, I bought a few things to stuff myself with - a cob of sweet corn, a spiky fruit that I had been munching when I was in Indonesia (the name escapes me), a baguette and an apple turnover at the Blue Pumpkin (that would constitute my breakfast tomorrow morning) and a kilo of some of the sweetest lanzones I've ever tasted.

The last time I took a bus to Siem Reap, I was almost amusingly manhandled by an overeager and overly amorous Khmer girl. Tomorrow would be an interesting day.

This is the Eye in the Sky!

The Green House, Beung Tra Bek, Phnom Penh - attentive staff, fast email replies to queries, far from the main tourist drag, misunderstanding regarding prepaid transactions.

Lost In Thailand - Ancient City Revisited

Samut Prakan's Ancient Siam - Though I was more than pleased with my first visit in the Ancient City a couple of years ago, I was also disappointed because there were a lot of things I wasn't able to see. I was readier and a lot wiser - or so I thought.

Though I planned on following Lonely Planet's instructions to get there, I couldn't find any of the 3 bus numbers they mentioned. So I followed mine - Bus 82 from Banglamphu. This time, I paid 7 baht (it was free last time) for a ride that took an hour to the Paklat Terminal Station in Samut Prakan. I headed straight to the Post Office to ask for their help - I needed a note in "Thai characters" regarding directions of going to Muang Boran aka Ancient Siam. It was amusing, and I was terribly grateful that all 7 employees engaged in an embarrassing "conference" just to figure out how I could get to the Ancient City without taking the taxi. I was ever so grateful.

From the Post Office (with directional instructions in Thai) I headed straight to the jetty. I took the commuter boat to cross Chao Phraya River (payment of 2 baht was to be made upon exit from the other side). I came out of a market and started considering my options. I was tempted to do the easy way - take the taxi, but a gentleman went up and offered help. He took me to the parked bus just across the market. That would be my ride, for just 9 baht! To be honest I didn't know where it is headed. I just knew that taking that small bus would eventually lead me to the Ancient City. I wasn't even anxious - the guys waiting outside the almost empty bus were discussing my ride, and I knew I'd be eventually deposited somewhere.

True enough, after less than 30 minutes, the lady conductor assigned a fellow commuter to take me with her. I found myself in one of those pick-up trucks, and for 8 baht, it took me directly in front of Muang Boran. What a relief! My 2 hour adventure was easy; a bit tedious if you're a whiner, but ultimately fun. 26 baht total, 4 commuter rides. I was feeling smug. Little did I know that somewhere along this adventure, there was gonna be a sort of payback. But let's get into that later.

In 2 years, the entrance ticket (that includes a tram ride) has escalated to 400 baht. 2 hours into my wanderings, I realized that I was gonna leave the cultural park feeling dissatisfied. I was not going to see more of what I planned on seeing. So I hiked back to the ticket booth and rented their buggy ride - at 300 baht per hour, with additional 150 baht per 30 minute increments. I ended paying 600 baht just for my ride. Pocket a lot lighter, but it was satisfying to finally able to climb up the temple on the hill - the name escapes me for now. The view from above was spectacular. Moreover, the breeze was blowing cool winds. It was very refreshing, Ididn't want to leave. But I had to return the vehicle by 5PM (their closing time).

I would gladly come back for a 3rd and a 4th visit just to be able to get my meal at the Floating Market area once again. Stir-fried chicken with vegetable and cashew nuts I salivate from mere memory.

After the visit, I crossed the road and Pick up no. 36 was waiting. I asked the driver if he was indeed going to where I could get my bus back to Bangkok. The place is called Pinklao Paknam. It was a restful ride worth 6 baht, the commute was characterized by the fast transit of people coming and going right before the peak of the rush hour. When I reached the "terminal stop", I crossed the road - like I did before - and saw a non-AC bus no.365. Hmmm, this wasn't the bus number I took before. But the driver and his conductor kept waving at me. What the heck, if this was headed to Bangkok, I don't mind.

The earliest hint of a problem was the seeming intent to please of the driver and his assistant. They kept nodding at anything I asked them. "Are you going to Bangkok?" I asked both of them, and got similar nods and a huge grin on their face. They seem to not exactly understand every word I said, but what could be clearer than "Bang---kok!" I repeated it thrice, and I'd get glass-eyed nods. So, yeah, I hopped in and just relaxed.

Two hours later, we were still plying a highway, with no hint of the closely positioned skyscrapers of Bangkok. That's when it hit me - I read the road signs... "Bang Pa in"! "Bang Phin". Could it be...? I eventually did the right thing to do, though I was debating against it. What's the point of asking someone who wouldn't be able to understand whatever that comes out of my mouth?

But I did, just so people around us would be able to hear us. True enough, someone finally went up to me and said that Bangkok was headed towards the opposite direction - and i'd been on this friggin' road for 2 hours! My limbs got light and i started to get clammy. Dang! Everyone instructed me to "get a taxi". It was already 7PM and I needed to buy a few stuff before MBK (a shopping mall in Pratunam) closes. A girl who alighted from the bus accompanied me to a nearby waiting shed where a taxi was waiting. After a short conversation, I was inside my taxi. Bangkok-bound! There was a bit of anxiety running down my nerves for I have no idea where I was - or how long this ride would take me. More importantly, how much will this darn ride cost me.

When signs sprung up showing "1 km to Suvarnabhumi International", I heaved a sigh of relief. If this driver wasn't a con artist, I'd be paying somewhere in the vicinity of 250 baht, excluding toll fees (80 baht then 5 baht). When I finally reached MBK, I was just elated to get to where I wanted an hour before the mall closed.

Now, let me ask you - how hard is it to enunciate "Bangkok". And compare it to "Bang Phin" pronounced "Bang-phi-yen". There's a world of difference. I figured I was just too unlucky to have met Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee who would nod at anything asked of them.

Later that night, I found myself strolling along Bangkok's sleazy street - Patpong, immersed in its hedonistic joys. But I wasn't there for that kind of fun.

I went home taking Atom Egoyan, Francois Ozon, and a good number of Cannes-winning films, including the Thai director Apichatpong ("Uncle Bonmee"). Soul is willing, flesh is weak. I had to eventually slumber for my much needed rest. It had been a long day, riddled with heart pounding discoveries. My smugness turned into anxiety. If there was karma somewhere, I shall try contemplating.

This is the Eye in the Sky!

Photo courtesy of www.thailand-siam.com

Musings on a Balmy Bangkok Night

It had been awhile since I last stepped on Bangkok soil. Two years to be exact. It felt like forever.

SUVARNABHUMI BEAUTY

While Manila was starting to get drowned in a deluge of garbage, Bangkok was a world away. At 1AM, it was almost sweltering at 30 degrees C. I walked fast and headed to immigration. No questions. Then retrieved my checked in luggage. For a while, I debated with myself whether I'd have to exchange a couple of hundred dollar bills or wait til I'm in the city. As I was walking past forex booths, it dawned on me how beautiful Suvarnabhumi International Airport is; and at close to midnight, it was a flurry of activities. It probably won't sleep tonight.

THE MONOPOLY

I headed straight to the Tourist Information Counter and asked for a free map, but while waiting for my turn, I was observing how a geriatric French woman was monopolizing the counter. 10, 15 minutes must have passed and she was still there. She was asking which place is best for her (she was pointed to Kao San Road); which hotels; where the ATM machines are in the area; where hospitals can be located (she looked like she was going to require an oxygen cannula anytime soon); were these good hospitals? In her old age, she never fathomed the concept of research prior to trips? And yes, Kao San Road and the Banglamphu area couldn't be the best place for the geriatric population. No, sir! They're not!

I wanted to check out the Left Luggage Counter (which they label "Left Baggage"). I was told it just at the end of the hall near the police booth. But after waiting for Ms. French Pooper, I skipped the idea altogether. it was too late to be "researching" at close to 2AM.

The "Public Taxi" booth is now located at the ground floor, and outside door no. 7. I went straight to the counter, told the lady I was headed to Lamphu House (where I made a reservation 2 months ago). We took the highway, and I paid 20 and 40 baht successively for the 2 toll booths we passed. By the time we made it to Soi Rambuttri, just in front of 7-11, the meter displayed 240 baht. I gave the driver 300, which, I think is already generous.

BECOMING EXPENSIVE

In the last 4-5 years, Bangkok has become a more expensive city, and the discrepancy is almost palpable. There was a time when your $100 would yield 3,500 baht. Now, it's just 2,800 baht. Thailand must be doing something right, gaining worth for their local currency. Great development for the Thais, but not such a great news for the hundreds of thousands of backpackers ruminating the metropolis.

I am contemplating on Bangkok's great strides as I write this at Lamphu House's internet room. The white guy beside me stank of alcohol. He tries to navigate around his keyboard with a funny sway. Must be fun.

This is Bangkok - where the resilience of its people reflects in their capacity to absorb or tolerate weird people. Like this inebriated guy just a few feet beside me. Like the tranny who winked at me earlier while I was having my midnight dinner. Though trannies seem misplaced in soi Rambuttri, anything can happen in Bangkok.

This is the Eye in the Sky!

Photo courtesy of www.thailandtriptour.com